Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
