So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
