I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
