Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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