the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You're like the curious george of whores
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize