On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
