Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
