the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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