I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
