we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize