I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
