I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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