The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
