My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
