Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
