I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
this must be what syphilis tastes like
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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