he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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