To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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