He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
