Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
