how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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