Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Let the clothes fall where they may.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
