Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
