The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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