I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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