I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
