I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
either way he was missing a nipple.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
