U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
