Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize