You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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