Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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