Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
