dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
