sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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