I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
