i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So much Jack, so little girl.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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