I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
