Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
