I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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