Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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