I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
