I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
