there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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