Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
