I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
