she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Houston, we have a squirter
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
