these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
