New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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