It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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