if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
is wine microwaveable?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
