What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
