make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize