How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
