I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
