she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
