he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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