I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
