Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
