this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
