fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
