dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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