sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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