K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i now understand why vodka
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize