When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
