even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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