I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
