Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
