so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
