I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
