My hand turned me down
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
