When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
