My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
