you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
