I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he fucked my hip out of place.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
