At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize