Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
