Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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