You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
