maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
