Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
