Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
