okay pat passed out under dana's car
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
