I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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