The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize