She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
