I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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