A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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