My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize