just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
