If i come over, it means nothing
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
