my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
nutella sex= disaster
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize