thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
