I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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