I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Randomize
