ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
