I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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