I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
