oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
