yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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