i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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