So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
