That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
