Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
