So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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