I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
