I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
