2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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