He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize