I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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